We recently received a piece of feedback that stopped us in our tracks. It came from a straight (hetrosexual) woman on the outside of our community who noticed something we hadn't quite seen clearly ourselves. She pointed out that by describing our picnics as being for "cis and trans women," we were quietly, unintentionally leaving intersex women out of the picture.
She was right. And we're grateful she said something.
What intersex means, simply
Intersex is an umbrella term for people born with, or who develop during puberty, sex characteristics that don't fit neatly into the typical categories of male or female. This might involve chromosomes, hormones, reproductive anatomy, or a combination of these. It's a variation in biology, not a gender identity, and not a sexual orientation.
It's more common than many people realise, and it's distinct from being transgender. An intersex person might identify as a woman, a man, non-binary, or something else entirely. Their sexual orientation is entirely separate again.
Intersex people are often isolated and lacking in community, partly because the identity is rarely represented in media and almost never covered in sex education. Many have also experienced medical systems that treated their bodies as something to be corrected, a dehumanising experience that has much in common with what trans and queer people have historically faced.
That isolation is exactly what Girl Meet Girl exists to push against, for everyone who experiences it.
Where our language fell short
When we describe our picnics as being for "cis and trans women," we're working from a framework that only accounts for two categories: cisgender (born with sex characteristics typically associated with women, and identifying as a woman) and transgender (identifying as a woman, regardless of what sex characteristics you were born with).
That framing, however well-intentioned, is a binary. And intersex people don't always fit neatly into either side of it. An intersex woman may not identify as cis, because her body doesn't fit the typical female template. But she may not identify as trans either. Describing her as one or the other would be inaccurate and, for many, unwelcome.
By saying "cis or trans," we were inadvertently implying those were the only two options. They're not.
Who Girl Meet Girl is actually for
Our picnics are for women, in the broadest and most honest sense of the word. That includes:
Cisgender women. Transgender women. Intersex women. Women who are still working out exactly how they describe themselves. Non-binary and gender diverse people who feel comfortable in this space and with this community.
What brings people to GMG is a sapphic identity or experience: being a woman or non-binary person who is attracted to other non-men. That's the thread that connects everyone here. It doesn't require a particular biology, a particular history, or a particular label.
If you identify as a woman, in any of the many ways that word can be lived, and you're looking for sapphic community, you belong here.
If you're an intersex woman who wasn't sure if this space was for you
It is. Come to a picnic. Bring a snack to share, find a spot on the grass, and let the Ambassador's ice-breaker questions do the heavy lifting while you get a feel for the vibe.
You don't need to explain your body, your history, or your label to anyone. You just need to show up.
And if you've been holding back because the language on our pages didn't quite seem to include you, we're sorry for that gap, and we're glad you're still here reading.
A note of thanks
To the straight woman who took a moment out of her day to point this out to us, genuinely: thank you. Inclusion isn't always improved from the inside. Sometimes it takes someone standing on the outside to notice the door isn't quite as open as we thought it was.
We're opening it wider.
Girl Meet Girl is a free sapphic community for women (cis, trans, and intersex), non-binary and gender diverse folk aged 18 and over. Join our online community here.
*Photo by Nico Ruge on Unsplash
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